About Him
by MrsDragonborn
Summary: The evolution of a girl whose heart has been broken.
1. Chapter 1

**June 16th, 2016**

I think this is the first time I feel completely lost. I do not know what to think, what to do or what to feel. All I know is that I love him. I never really thought I would love someone the way I love him. I have forgiven him more than I have forgiven anybody, just because I love him. I have given my body, heart and soul to him just because I love him. I have changed my ways even, just for him… and I do not regret anything.

I still think he will come to my door saying sorry, that he was wrong, that he still loved me and it was all a tricky confusion of his mind. I still think there is time to imagine anything, to believe that he will appear at any moment… to even believe that he is looking for me. Sometimes I would like to tell him to his face that he will not longer be for me, but something inside me screams that he still is, even if he is not here.

I wish I could sleep with him once more. Just sleep… in the more innocent sense of the word. I want to kiss him goodnight, turn off the light and lay by his side. I want to be there, hearing him breathing the same air. I want to share the same blanket and warmness while he falls asleep. I want to hug him and feel his arms around me. I want to be the last thing he sees at night and the first that he sees when waking up. I want to start and finish each day telling him how much I love him. I want him for me and I could go on an eternity explaining why.

But he is not here anymore, and though I had hoped he will return, those hopes vanish every day a bit more. I have not heard from him since he left that awful Sunday, and as days go on, I fear that he does not even think about me anymore.

I fear he has another one making him smile. I fear he is not really confused but just sad of ending something beautiful out of his lack of love. But above all, I fear that he returns and stays with me forever, lying to me and himself.

I cannot keep but thinking that I loved him, and I did not care what anybody could say. Not even him. I love him with all my heart and I do not know how much time I will still do so. It may well be a century.

I miss his eyes… his laughter. I lost everything of him; his love, his jokes, his smile, his soul… my soul. He took everything with him, my heart included.

So here I am, thinking about him under the shadow of doubt, trying to make up the foolest excuse to go and find him, throwing away the words I am swallowing just to tell him how much I need him.


	2. Chapter 2

**June 20th, 2016**

Two days ago I asked him if I could send him messages from once in a while. I thought that if I showed him that I cared about him, he would reconsider. He said no. He did not even explain why. I am devastated.

Though I have hopes, deep inside I suspect that he is waiting for me to give up, so he could strike his last words. What if it is indeed that? What if he is just waiting for me to get tired of this? What if he is so coward, that he is waiting for me to end up everything, so he remains free of guilt in front of everyone, our daughter included? Is he so mean? I should not even think about that, but I feel that I do not even know him anymore. He is a totally different person. If he cared about me, he would not have said to me he did not want to be messaged. I hope I am wrong and this is only the thoughts a broken heart makes you think.


	3. Chapter 3

**June 25th, 2016**

I have been trying not to speak or care about him. I try with all my heart not to see his profile online, nor to listen to sad songs, nor to even think about him. Sometimes I even forget that he is no longer here, until I want to share something and I remember I have no friends but him.

Yesterday, he called to say he was going to take our daughter to a birthday party. He picked her up today at 1 and I didn't even speak nor look at him… unlike the last time, when I cried and begged him not to leave me. No. Not again. I took a deep breath and held my soul, and I felt the pounding of my dying heart, but I did not look at him. I just told him I was going out too, that he had to feed her and also that he had to start giving me money at the end of each month. He left with her in no more than 15 minutes.

Like I said, I went out too. I distracted myself long enough to even forget I had a daughter. When I came home, he was having tea with her and my dad… he knew I did not want him eating in my house anymore, I knew I asked him to leave at those times in the future. But for some reason, I did not care he was there. It was like before… life if for one moment, everything was ok with us. I asked him how was the party and we laughed a bit when he said he forgot to buy a present. Classic of him without me. He smiled when I said to my dad that I forgot about the traffic jam at the main street.

After he left, I forbid myself to ask him anything. But I could not keep myself from doing what I always did when he left at night… I messaged him asking if he was safe at home. He said "yes, already in bed". I just told him "ok" and thought that would be all. But after several minutes he said "have a good rest", and I felt for a second that he missed me and wanted to speak more, but I just said "same", and that was all.

If he only knew I'm dying inside. That I cannot breath the same since we are apart. That I need a more concrete answer. That I struggle everyday just to keep living with myself, all alone. That I miss him dearly and I'm desperate to hug and kiss him everytime he appears around here. That all I want is him to love me again.


End file.
